This is it!

Have you ever seen Home Alone? You probably have, unless you are grossly deprived in the area of American pop culture. There's a part in the first movie where, just as the robbers get there, Kevin cocks his BB gun, leans against a door and says "This is it-- don't get scared now."

Those words resonate with me tonight.

Granted, I'm not scared. That in and of itself is shocking to me. I imagined that I would be utterly terrified at this point, so close to a major surgery and meeting our son. But somehow, I'm not. I'm peaceful... and excited!! I don't think that has anything to do with me. I think it has everything to do with a certain Father who is reaching down and keeping me balanced in spite of everything. On my own I'd probably be a crazy insane mess!

I mean, I'm a little nervous. I was a little nervous at the Pre-Op when they started telling me about the surgery. I'm sure I'll be a little nervous when I actually get there tomorrow and everything starts happening. I think I'd have to be dead (or else seriously lacking a sympathetic nervous system)not to be. But amid that nervousness, there is peace. And excitement. I'm about to embark on an adventure. I can hardly wait.

I'm not worried about recovery. It may not be pleasant or easy, but I can face that challenge and come out better on the other side. Everyone has their horror stories, and they can keep them. The only story that has any bearing on me is my own, and I have complete confidence in the One who will be penning it. Even if it's not easy.

I filled out paperwork today at the hospital, some of which were release forms for Andrew's medical care. Writing the word "mother" in the relationship boxes next to my signatures was probably one of the most surreal things I've ever done. All at once I thought of my own mother, and then all at once I realized that the way I looked at her is the way that Andrew is about to look at me. That hit me like a ton of bricks. My mother was... well, everything. It's a little intimidating to think of being everything to someone else.

But, you know, one step at a time. Small bites. Right now, I'm focusing on a safe delivery. I'll have plenty of time to focus on motherhood after the baby is born.

So, tonight I pack (no, I still haven't completely packed-- shoot me). I'll also shower... watch a stupid movie. Try to get the kitchen clean.

Terry and I already went to our "last supper". We went to BJs and had sandwiches and coffee and dessert. We had a great conversation, we laughed a lot, we just generally enjoyed each other's company. We're both at peace about tomorrow. It makes everything so much better to know he'll be by my side.

So, again, we'll be at MCA. Call me or Terry if you'd like a room number, or if you'd like to visit. They have WiFi there, so we'll get everything updated with pictures of Andrew as soon as we can!

Wow. I'm sitting here feeling him move, and it's become so second nature that I barely notice anymore. It's so strange to think that by this time tomorrow, this little guy is going to be in the world! That's the one thing I'll probably miss-- the little kicks and squirms. For all its discomfort, pregnancy really is a special time. I'm glad it's ending and glad that our baby is healthy... but I wouldn't trade a moment. =)