1 + 1 = 3

We're scheduled for a C-section. The date is Tuesday, March 3rd at 12:00PM at MCA. The baby, of course, is presenting breech, which is why we'll need the section. There's still a chance he could turn or come on his own, though. So really, even with the date, it's anybody's guess. I'm hoping that maybe he'll cooperate. It's nice having a solid date... you know, for when our lives change forever.

It's scary. Did anyone else worry how their relationship with their husband would change after the birth of their first child? I do. It's not that I worry that things will go south, or that our relationship isn't secure enough to handle it. It is-- that I know. But the dynamic... how we are now, the freedom we have to just be the two of us, the ability we have to just go and do at any given moment... that will change. The amount of time we have to talk will change. The chances to cut up and laugh together and be silly will change.

I don't want it to change.

We went to the mall today to buy me some new glasses, because we knew I'd want to have them after the baby is born (who wants to deal with contacts at 3 in the morning?). We had such a nice time. We tried on frames and laughed at them, went to Bath and Body Works and got me some new soaps, walked the mall and ended up poking around in Barnes and Noble. Then we came home and cleaned the kitchen together with the radio going in the background, had supper together, and he went off to Orchestra practice. And now I'm sitting here, alone for what will probably be all of two hours, yet missing him. I know this time is ending. I know that things are going to change. And I want to milk every single second because I know this season of life will never come again. We'll never be newly married again. We'll never be just us again.

I'm mourning the "just us." I'm scared. I'm trying to cling to what will be gone in one week. ONE WEEK.

Excuse me while I breathe into a paper bag.

Yet I know, I KNOW, that while this will be a change, it won't be negative. Terry has an aunt and uncle who have a son-- just one son. His Aunt Denise said something that has stuck with me: "It'll just become... you know... the three of you."

That's comforting to me. It's comforting to be able to look at this as adding another little life to the "us," instead of obliterating the "us" altogether for something different. I can't bear the thought of losing the closeness I have with Terry. But can I bear the thought of the two of us opening our hearts and arms to a new little addition to the two? To make three?

Yes, I can bear that. I can even rejoice in that. Because this little one, our Andrew, is one of us. He's part of us. We can share our silliness with him. We can have our talks and our laughing fests and our outings with him. We can adjust things to suit him, because obviously they will need some adjusting for his needs. But we can still be "us." Just three... instead of two.

I know that for all we may lose, freedom-wise, we'll gain so much more. Sure, okay, no more 2AM outings (which, to be honest, have tapered a little lately anyway ;)... but what about the joy of seeing Andrew discover new things? What about hearing him laugh? What about watching him make funny faces as he tries new foods?

What about the immense privilege of being a mother, and seeing Terry as a father? What about the joy of watching the love of my life embrace that role with me and grow in it, walking with me and making mistakes with me and reaching triumphs with me as we strive to raise this child and all others who follow? Terry and I have weathered good and bad for each other... and we will weather good and bad for Andrew. All joys. All sorrows. We'll go from being a couple... to being a family. And there's no loss in that at all. Only gain.

I know God brought Terry and I together. I know it's only through His grace and provision that our marriage has flourished to what it is today, and that it will be only by His grace and provision that our new family will flourish. I already know that God has His hand on Andrew, He has a plan for him, and He will see that plan to completion.

The Lord has always guided the two of us through change and taught us how to reach stability-- even joy. He won't stop now. He never will.

Please pray for us as we embrace this change, and this wonderful new addition to our lives. Rejoice with us as our two becomes three.